Greetings and Salutations!

Have you noticed the different ways people address their emails? I have seen everything from the old-fashioned formal, "Dear Sir or Madam", to use of the informal first name ("Hi, Bob!"), to addressing the department ("HR Department") instead of a real person, to "Dear Customer," to well, really nothing. The letter just begins.

I know I first learned to address all letters (about 20B.C. - Before Computers) with the formal, "Dear Sir", with a colon after the greeting for business and a comma for a more personal touch. Then, because more women were entering the workforce, the greeting changed to" Dear Sir or Madam." Never "Miss." At one point, things got really silly with, "Dear Sir/Madam/Ms." Fortunately, that didn't last too long.

Americans like things informal and "Sir/Madam" just didn't suit. We soon discovered, with a little research, we could now write, "Dear Mr. Patrick Smith," or "Dear Mrs. Patricia Smith." We could direct the letter to the specific person we wanted to reach. Much better. And if we weren't sure of gender, we could always say "Dear Pat Smith" and just avoid the whole PC issue. But there was that "Dear" thing just hanging there. It sounded so, well, conflicted, and certainly not manly, if we were the manly type, and maybe even a tad too personal. After all, the person wasn't "dear." That really was for people we really liked, like friends and family.

So, let's eliminate the "dear" and we are much more comfortable. And Americans like the informal and the comfortable, even if it means a type of false familiarity. So let's address the letter to just "Pat". But there are people out there who like to use their titles, like physicians, and attorneys and academic doctorates. So, we had to keep the titles. But we could do it both ways, as in, "Dear Dr. Smith," or just eliminate the "dear" and say, "Dr. Smith." That would work. Then along comes Dr. Phil. What do we do with that? It's the use of a formal title, "Dr." (lest we forget he's a doctor!) but with the familiar use of a first name. I am not even sure anyone knows his last name anymore.

So how are we addressing the very informal emails? An email is not exactly the formal letter, but it is still an important way of communicating and addressing the correspondence is important. Just a quick survey of what's in my inbox:

Dear Corinne,

Hello All!

Dear Members:

Hi Corinne,

Hello Connie,

Corinne,

Greetings dear friends and networking partners,

Hello there,

Dear Ms. Barringer,

Hi CORINNE,

Hello Corinne,

Hey cj,

Corinne Barringer,

Hi,

Greetings,

That's not counting all the newsletters, updates, jokes, offers (Join FREE Webinar!), Dear Mom, e-zines, etc.

I guess the question becomes how do you like to be addressed and how do you address your emails? Or do you even notice?

After all 97% of all email is never read.

I always read the ones that start, "Dear Mom".

Motorcycling Through Life

Marie, a good friend of mine, is on a long, cross-country motorcycle trip. She is traveling alone. She is 71 years old

You might think, well, she must be in fantastic shape to do this. Sort of a female Jack LaLanne - swimming and towing 70 boats with 70 people 1.5 miles across the bay when he was 70. Not quite.

Marie has diabetes.

She has been struggling with her weight for years. She just loves riding motorcycles. Known as 'Flash", she belongs to an all-female motorcycle club, the Free Spirits.

She also had to do some extra working, frugal living and saving for this trip. She is not independently wealthy by any means.

But she is determined. Determined to enjoy life. Marie has completed other trips, so this is not her first one. Her goal is to motorcycle through every state in the contiguous United States. When this trip is done, she will have met her goal minus about 2 states, I think. Maybe she will get them all this time.

Marie is also very active in archery and chairs the committee at her local club. People frequently ask her how she manages to get involved in all her activities. She just does it. She makes decisions. She makes that phone call. She joins that committee and then proceeds to do something about making it better. She figures out what she likes. She does not sit on the couch and dwell on her illness or worry. She is too busy having fun and living her life.


So if you are on the road, keep an eye out for Marie. That may be her...in the passing lane.

Interview Strategies - What is Your Face Saying About You?

I was having coffee with a businessman the other day…just a standard networking situation. Pleasant enough. Until. Until I started noticing that facial twitch or grimace that he did every 5 minutes or so. It was sort of a frown, a pulling downward of the facial muscles. Rather like stretching. He turned a normal frown into an exercise to see if he could expose his rear molars. So, he not only frowned, but also opened his mouth.

At first, I just thought he made the face because it was relevant to the story he was telling, sort of punctuation mark.. like saying, “ick” or “ugh”. But then he did it again and again and again. I found myself mirroring him and making the same grimace.

Now mirroring is actually part of sales techniques to reflect back similar behaviors to the person you’re conversing with to make them feel you both are on the same wavelength.

But I sure did not want to mirror this behavior no matter what the sales trainers say!

I began to wonder if he was actually making faces at me. Eventually, I left for home but found I had to watch myself for the next few hours to make sure I wasn’t carrying this mirrored grimace over into my life.

Now, I really do not think he realized he had this little habit.

We all can develop those habits. We just need to be aware.

Facial gestures are part of the general picture of non-verbal communication and we hardly think about them at all. People focus more on larger more visible gestures such as folded arms, leaning backward or forward, or twiddling fingers. Facial gestures are much more subtle, but just as important. This particular facial gesture was not subtle.

To check for any distracting facial movements, videotape yourself. Give a speech in front of your friends, family, or room full of teddy bears or your dog. Just give a speech, talk or presentation and record it.

Then, replay and watch yourself. Don’t focus on the number of times you say, "ummm" or "uhhh". Just focus on your face.

Check for:

- lip biting

- licking lips

- sticking tongue out

- furrowing brow

- sucking on your teeth,

- wiggling nose

- curling lips

- pursing lips

- frowning

- nervous smiling

I have a friend who constantly purses her lips when you re talking to her. Maybe she is thinking really hard or she doesn’t know she’s doing it. But, she looks like she is disapproving of everything I say.

Frankly, I am still not so sure….

Feel the music....

I went to a Mexican restaurant last week. Complete with Mariachis! (The Mariachis were great fun.) Followed by music with a DJ. I was told to bring earplugs and glad I did.


Talking with my dinner partner was pretty much out of the question. Actually, we did shout a few sentences, but I found myself nodding and smiling to whatever it was he was saying. I even tried lip reading....harder than you think. I have no clue what he said. I can only hope my nodding and smiling was the appropriate response.

The thumping in my chest turned out not to be my heart beating but the base level of the acoustics. As I watched, the vibrations were slowing inching the glasses toward the edge of the table.

OK, this is LOUD!. And it ceased being fun.

Here's a quick rundown about sound:

0 dB - baseline - right at the threshold of hearing
20 dB - leaves rustling
30 dB - whisper
35dB - residential area at night
40-60 dB - conversation
75 dB - shouting/singing
80 dB - rush hour traffic
90 dB - food blender
100 dB - train
110 dB - chainsaw
120 dB - jet airplane, rock music
130 dB - painful
140 dB - shotgun blast


So, I guess we were somewhere between a subway train and a shotgun blast.

And since I really do not want to be fitted for hearing aids any time soon, I will carry earplugs, or maybe just stick to quiet restaurants, especially if I want to have a conversation.

Or maybe I should stick to coffee shops... but wait, I tried that. Those coffee grinders are somewhere between a blender and a chainsaw.

I just want to have a cup of coffee, or maybe a dinner, and a conversation where I could talk and listen and maybe have a little quiet....my back porch! That's between leaves rustling, neighborhood sounds and conversation.

Great.

Talk to the squirrels.

Shark Tank!

My son, David, called me the other day to tell me that former neighbors of his were going to be on the show, "Shark Tank". How exciting is that! The whole family, the mother, father and all 3 children, appeared on camera in front of the Sharks and all of America.


How did they do? They did great and impressed the Sharks enough to get that loan they wanted. Not only was their business idea a winner, but they all spoke very well. That had a great deal to do with their securing that $100,000 loan. The three children did most of the talking and presenting of the business concept. I was very impressed with everyone's ability to speak well under pressure...and the youngest boy even had the presence of mind for a quick riposte! Not something every 11 year old could do! But that young man was confident and aware.


Contrast that with another contestant who had a very good business idea but he appeared to have a hard time really presenting it effectively. He seemed to get in his own way. I was really hoping for him, but he made a few tactical errors. He looked good, was well-presented, but seemed to have a hard time with the hard, but expected, questions. If you ever seen "Shark Tank", you know exactly what types of questions are going to be asked.


So, if you ever find yourself in a similar position, in the "Shark Tank" with a life-changing business idea, here are a few tips:


1. Do the research prior to the show or the event....know what types of questions will be asked, and be ready for those hard questions you really don't want asked because they will be. Be prepared. Actually, be over-prepared!


2. Listen, really listen!, to the question and answer the question that is asked. Take a second or two to think before you talk.


3. Be brief and to the point. If someone asks you the time, don't tell them how to build a watch.


4. Really think through your presentation...and practice!


5. Get some professional advice...whether that's public speaking or business advice. And listen to that advice. You can't be an expert in everything.



So, I wish that family the best of luck on their new venture! The ability to speak well really paid off for them!

"Ummm.....hello..."

I was a guest speaker at Baker College last Saturday and had a great time! I was asked to speak to an English Composition class on oral presentations. No other requirements or specifications….just talk to the students about public speaking because they will have to give an oral presentation as part of their final.

So, I just hit the highlights… and in no particular order. But one simple strategy bears repeating and maybe going into more detail (just a bit).

Don’t start your speech, presentation, PowerPoint, with an “Ummm…”. Never mind about the rest of the talk…just get this one thing right. Stand up there, in front of the class, at your desk, at the table, at the podium and say “Hello,” “Good morning,” “My name is Bill,” “Thanks for coming in this snow storm,” “Turn off your cell phones,” whatever. Just don’t say “Umm….my name is Bill.”

If the first word out of your mouth is ‘Umm” or “Uhhh”, it sounds like you are not too sure of who you are, or what you are doing…. and maybe totally uncertain of anything including the rest of your presentation.

I have heard a number of speakers, including professionals, lose focus for a moment and find themselves saying. “Umm…uhh...” at the very beginning of their talk.

“Umm, uhh….” and other fillers, as they are called, actually serve a linguistic function. They are called vocalizations as opposed to verbalizations. Verbalizations are real words. Vocalizations are just sounds. These sounds actually differ from culture to culture. But, these sounds keep the listener aware of the speaker, keep the listener listening. Now, if you overuse them, if you let these sounds start wandering around in your speech, you may lose the listener. Your audience may even start counting how many times you say “uhh..ummm", and now you have lost them.

It takes a bit of work to totally eliminate the fillers from your speech, so keep working on that. But, the place to start the editing is right at the beginning of your talk.

Let that first word you say be a real word and not just a wandering sound.

My Son, the Actor!

My son, Mike, is an actor in New York. I used to say, “That means, he’s a waiter.”

But, no more. He now sells real estate (apartments, condos), manages a wine store (he studied for a while to be a sommelier), works the teleprompter on “The View”, and is still an actor. Everyone in NYC needs 3 jobs…especially if you’re going to be an actor.

This past week he’s been auditioning for some very tough gigs. He’s applying for grad school at some of the country’s top acting schools – Yale, NYU, and Brown. He decided that he would aim high, and if he didn’t make it, he would try again next year. He did not make Yale (cast of thousands!); made the call-back at NYU (waiting to hear final results); and still has to go to Brown this week. It’s been very hard on him…all that and juggling 3 jobs. Others show up straight from undergrad, still living at home. Mike has quite a bit of experience under his belt and I am so proud of him. After all, how many mothers would say, “Yes, go to New York, be an actor!”

Auditioning is a challenging situation. Actually, auditioning is more than just a challenge; it’s really hard…and hard work. An Actor has to learn several monologues (drama and comedy), may even have to sing (yes, Mikey had to sing…). Plus work (remember the 3 jobs), and then there’s the part no one talks about…it costs money. For travel, lost wages, food, lodging, etc. All for an audition, a chance. A gamble that you are just what they are looking for. But he showed up, he did it, is doing it, and is living it.

It’s tough being an actor. You have a lot of competition. You take lots of classes, put in a lot of work, spend a lot of time and money with no guarantees that you’ll ever make it, take the smaller roles just to keep acting, and maybe wonder sometimes why you do it.

But how many others don’t even show up for the audition….

Way to go, Mike!

First Impressions

Last week I had the pleasure of speaking at a meeting of the Blue Marlins, the big fish of the LBN, or Local Business Network. LBN is a business networking group that has been around for a while, but the Blue Marlins are a recent offshoot. Their focus is mainly business to business networking. The group included everyone from an author to an attorney, from a CPA to a computer guru, from a flooring specialist to a financial investment director. Good people, had a great time.

I only had 10-15 minutes for this talk….and I can speak for 30 minutes on something I know nothing about!

I decided on 5 areas where businesses, specifically business owners, need to communicate well: the Elevator Speech, Networking, Meetings, the Telephone, and the Media.

These five areas have one thing in common – First Impressions.

Everyone knows first impressions are important. First impressions are just that, impressions. They are made in an instant. After all, this is primal, biological, a survival instinct. On a basic level, is this person friend or foe, or even a possible mate? Am I the hunter or the hunted? Or is this someone I should talk to, or ignore.

These impressions are based on quick, visual, visceral input. You can change your mind later as your impression develops into an assessment, an analysis of that person based on continued experience.

I taught English at Lawrence Technological University for a while. My first day, my first class (and I was nervous and excited!), the first person I saw asw I opened the door was a young man in a biker jacket with patches, curly brown hair ear piercings and a big Irish grin. I thought, "OK, this is going to be a fun class...I've got a biker dude here."

He turned out to be an excellent student and ex-Navy Special Forces.

But I still remember that First Impression. As I told those students, first impressions are important, but they are only impressions. They are not the full picture. Sometimes those impressions can be wrong.

If you don’t know the person standing next to you, you don’t know what they can do for you, or to you.

Will Be Speaking at the Women's Business Conference!

I am very excited about the upcoming 10th Annual Great Lakes Women's Business Conference....


I will be conducting a workshop!

The conference will be held at the Motor City Casino on Oct.11, 12, and 13. My workshop is scheduled at 10:40am on Oct. 12. I will be addressing the use of the telephone in business.



You remember the telephone....that often misused but very important business tool. It's just now that includes the land line, the cell or mobile, and a few other hi-tech gadgets that we love and can't live without. But some of us have forgotten the basics of using the phone, and some of us never thought about what do we really use it for, and what we are really communicating when we speak on the phone. So that is what I plan to address. It will be a very lively workshop, with audience participation along the way.




The conference is an initiative of CEED, The Center for Empowerment and Economic Development, and more specifically, WBEC, the Women's Business Enterprise Council - Great Lakes. I am really thrilled to have been selected as a presenter for this fantastic event. And I strongly encourage you to attend! This is a three-day conference with a multitude of speakers, workshops, and opportunities. If you are able to attend, please stop by, find me and say hello!


Go to their website to register:www.miceed.org

A Thought for the Day.....

I don't know where I saw this, but it's good to review from time to time...



The Front Row



Life is a theatre…Invite your audience carefully.



Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives.
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a DISTANCE.
It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of, or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not going anywhere relationships or friendships.



Observe the relationships around you. Pay close attention.
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?
When you leave certain people, do you feel better or worse?


Which ones don’t really understand, know, or appreciate you?
The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you…the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.



Remember that the people we hang with will have an impact on both our lives and our income.



And so, we must be careful to choose the people we hang out with,
as well as the information with which we feed our minds.



We should not share our dreams with negative people, nor feed them with negative thoughts.



Who’s in your front row?




Author Unknown

May is Better Speech and Hearing Month!

The American Speech Language and Hearing Association has dedicated the month of May to be Better Speech and Hearing Month.



Sometimes it's a good idea to just think about the gifts of hearing and speech...as the lyric goes, you don't know what you got 'til it's gone....



The ability to speak is so complicated, it really is a miracle we can do it at all....try going a day without speaking a word....sort of a zen challenge. You might learn something about yourself, just being without talking. My son, Mike, did that on a Grand Canyon camping trip. Very enlightening.



One day, go for a walk in the woods or the park, without your iPod, your headset, your phone...and just listen to the woods....listen to all the rustlings, bird calls, wind in the trees....it's another world.

Be aware of what you have....and be grateful....

Water at the Urbane

I was an exhibitor last Friday at the Urbane Earth Day event in Corktown in downtown Detroit. Bliss Cureton spearheaded the event and it was a lot of fun! This two-day event featured a program of professional speakers discussing urban farming, landscaping, wind energy, energy efficiency, solar energy and even a special guest speaker from the Department of Energy.



I was very impressed that everyone I met was interested in not only being green but also being healthy. A healthy environment and a healthy body. As a speech pathologist with a private practice, I always educate my clients on the importance of basic good health practices as a foundation for good speech. Eating good food, getting adequate sleep and enough exercise, and I really stress the importance of water. The right kind of water. Alkaline water.



So, my friend, Karen Choley and I set up a table distributing alkaline water, specifically Kangen water. And it was a hit! We had little children coming back for more! Even they could tell the difference.



Much of what we eat and drink is acidic and throws the body out of balance. Kangen water, an ionized water, is highly alkaline and helps the body get back to a more normal pH balanced state.



Because most of the human body is made up of water, it makes sense to drink an adequate amount to keep hydrated. You really need more you think. The first sign of dehydration is fatigue, not thirst.



So, try to drink more than those 8 glasses a day....and pop is not water.

Watch Those Colorful Metaphors....

There was this client who had an employee, Bob, who had a difficult time expressing himself....well, let me rephrase that. Bob could express himself very well as long as he was swearing, cussing and otherwise using every colorful metaphor known to man. Other than that, he was a good employee.



One day, Bob storms into the office complaining about another employee. Bob rants and raves, "That &*#@!# guy just #$%@* the whole ^#@#!* thing. He #&^@!* never $*^@%# gets the #@!*&^ and ^%$@# all the $*#&^$#@!*."



My client then just asked him to repeat what he just said but without the swearing. Bob tried. A couple of times. And then he just threw up his hands and stormed out of the room.



Now, all Bob needed to say was something like,"That Jim just ruined the whole shipment. He sent it to the wrong address again."



Simple words. Nothing complicated. And Bob couldn't do it.



He lost his words.



He might lose his job.



Vocabulary development? Try going for a day without swearing.

Get your words back.

To apostrophe or not to apostrophe

I have seen this error in so many places, from emails to retail signage to ad campaigns to just about everywhere that I just feel compelled to say something. An typical sign might read, "Book's for Sale", or the email ad might state, "Clink on the link for your bonus's."


I know we're getting a bit relaxed about spelling and punctuation with the advent of email and texting, but at some point, the message becomes unreadable and may be misunderstood. Poor grammar and misused punctuation can shave a few IQ points off your persona.


So, just to help out, when you need to use a plural, anything more than one, then you say, "Books for Sale", or, "Clink on the link for your bonuses." You either add a -s or -es, no apostrophe. No, it's not a comma, that's something else. You use an apostrophe when you need to show possession, as in, "Pat's books" (the books that belong to Pat) or, "the book's cover" (the cover that is on the book). You can also say, "the book's sales", meaning, "the sales of the book."


Some nouns do not require the addition of an -s or -es (the technical term would be plural marker) like the word asparagus. It's the same word singular or plural. You don't say, "Asparaguses for sale." (Although that might be fun to say in a children's book.) It's just, "Asparagus for sale." You can still use the apostrophe as in, "The asparagus's green color was appealing." But that's the possessive, not the plural.


Above I used the word children's. That's another example of possessive of a plural noun. The noun children is plural without adding an -s or -es. The spelling is changed from child to children to indicate the plural. But the book is of a type that belongs to all children not just one child, so children's book. It's a little bit different from asparagus which is already in it's plural form without changing the spelling.


You also use an apostrophe for taking the place of a letter or two making the word a contraction, as in it's which is a contraction for it is. Or, can't for can not, or wouldn't for would not, and so on.



OK, let's sum up:

• apostrophe for possessives - That is Mike's cat. That is Mike's cat's toy.
  

• no apostrophe for plurals - Those are Mike's cats. Those are cat toys.
  

• apostrophe for plural possessive - Those are Mike's cats' toys.

• apostrophe for contractions - That can't be Mike's cat. Mike's cat doesn't like those toys.
  

Whew.