The Challenge of Techno-Etiquette

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I was waiting to meet a friend for coffee. And waiting. And waiting. After 20 minutes, I called. No answer. While sitting there, I checked my email on my phone. There it was - an email  message from my friend saying he had an emergency at work and couldn't make it.  He sent an email. I  would have expected a phone call or text to cancel  Using email for a last-minute cancellation would never have occurred to me.

In the past, we had Emily Post, Miss Manners, and Letitia Baldridge to guide us with sage advice on social protocols from which fork to use at an elegant dinner, when to send a thank you note, how to introduce your boss to your children, how to appropriately call off a wedding, how to eat an artichoke, to what to tip your hairdresser or what color gloves to wear.

There were rules. These rules were helpful.

Now, we have technology, multiple ways to communicate, and a lot fewer rules. Actually, we all have our own set of rules. We make them up.

A television commentator stated, if she texts a person, she expects a reply within an hour. One executive expects an answer to his email within 24 hrs. These people have rules, but not everyone knows or follows those rules. Everyone has their own.

The situation is not everyone has, uses or likes the same technology. My neighbor loves her tablet; another likes her iPad. I know a few people who still carry a flip phone. Another relies on his fax. One friend likes email but admits she is bad at it. (I don't know what that means.) Some businessmen feel they get more done speaking in person. Others adhere to a set time schedule (like Friday after 3pm) for replying to any communication - email, regular mail, text, or phone.

What is the standard protocol for dealing with digital communications? Logically, if you send a message by one avenue, you should expect to  receive a reply in the same format. Not necessarily so. If you leave a voice message, you may get a text or even an email reply. If you send an email, you might get a text reply. If you send a letter by regular mail, you may get a response via any one of these channels.

Chances are you won't get a written reply unless it is a wedding invitation and even then, it's highly likely your RSVP will be a text or a message on Facebook...and maybe only the night before...

The reality is we may have to check all incoming communications to find the response we are waiting for. Don't forget technical glitches...messages lost in the ether, poor recording quality, losing a phone, dropped signal, etc.

Keep in mind-  1. Email is MAIL - it can be deleted, read, not read, misread, trashed, filed in spam, ignored, lost.. 2. Texting is MAIL - it can be deleted, read, not read, misread, trashed, blocked, ignored, forgotten 3. Voice mail is MAIL - it can be deleted, listened to, ignored, partially listened to, misunderstood, forgotten. 4. Faxing - sorry, I don't have a fax.

There is no standard, written guide of digital communication etiquette. If there is, someone just made it up.

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